August Book Review

Banana on cover of Tattoo a Banana

Today I went to the library. I never go into the library with a specific goal. I am like cicada to your porch light. I generally fly to the book with the brightest color. These bright colored books tend to have lines like "He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love". Since I am sober, I usually throw the book back on the shelf. I have never been drunk at a library, but if I was I imagine I would enjoy this kind of book. 

I attempt to clear my brain with other books. The Towson library does all of the dirty work for you by showcasing books other people like. If other people like them, they must be good. I classify myself as a person that would jump off of a bridge if everyone else did, so I grab a bunch of these.

I also head to the workout video section. The types of workouts I get depend on the amount of coffee I have drank that day.
one cup=yoga video
two cups=standard workout video
three cups=workout for people who are insane or angry video
four cups=killer boot camp that might make you have a heart attack video
five cups=killer boot camp that guarantees a heart attack video
six cups=didn't make it to library. having a heart attack somewhere.                                                
                                                              

I have opted out of the books on tape (BOT) section because I would listen to BOT in my car. I began paying more attention to the story, than traffic patterns such as red lights. I think BOT are more dangerous than drinking and driving.

Then I check out

Here are the results of my recent library conquest:

Tattoo a Banana by Phil Hansen-I once tattooed a banana on a slow day at work. It didn't look like the beautiful banana on the cover.  I wanted to figure out the authors secret.

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut- I heard that reading Vonnegut would make me a hipster. As an aspiring hipster, I thought i'd give it a try.  I plan on reading this book on my back porch while I  chain smoke in non prescription glasses. Also I do enjoy breakfast. Maybe I will read this at breakfast. Would that be ironic? Probably not.

Ripe by Cheryl Sternman Rule-This book had a huge peach on the cover. I was hungry for peaches. After skimming at the red light on the ride home, I discovered that there weren't many peaches in this book. The light turned green and someone honked as I was reading about yams. I do love yams.

Jillian Micheals Buns of Steel-I have tried Jillian's buns of magnesium. Jillian did not do her research. Although magnesium is a strong light weight metal, it tarnishes slightly when exposed to air. My buns were tarnishing and getting everywhere. I had to wear long pants because of it. I then tried buns of titanium, which was somewhat successful. It took a while to get used to the loud clank I made everytime I had to sat down. I am told steel is rust resistant and has good weildibility so I will give it a try*

*I was misinformed. It is actually Killer Buns & Thighs. I think Buns of Steel was overused in the 80's so this takes it up a notch. Killer > Steel. I will let you know how it goes.

Everyday Flowers by Paula Pryke-. Nope, no sign of intelligent life in this bag of books.

A bunch of random CD's with pretty cover art. I know I am not a fan of Bassnectar for instance, but the   cover art was so compelling I went ahead and rented it out. I know you are not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I don't think this applies to CD's. 

So this is my library conquest. Next time you see me I will have an elaborately decorated banana to show you. Bring some mace because my buns & thighs might try and kill you. We can go thrifting in our best flannels while listening to obscure music. It will be fun.