An Advertisement For Duct Tape

Lets say you accidently cut your girlfriend's cat's tail off while brushing him too hard. We've all been there.  Before your girlfriend has a chance to notice, you reach for the nearest scotch tape to attach it back on the body. Butttttt...it doesn't hold!

So you recklessly throw the tailless cat in the closet and suggest "Let's go to dinner Muffinblossom!"

After dining over lobster, oysters and a wine that costs more than your mortgage, you buy your lady six dozen roses and carry her to your car. Once you make it home, she finds the tail of the cat strategically placed on the coffee table. This is your chance to fess up.

"I accidently de-tailed Henry this morning," you say batting your eyelashes and trying to look pathetic. You are ready for anything.

However she is so distracted by the perfect evening that she doesn't even blink. "That's alright honey, Cats are like chameleons; Henry's tail will grow right back"

WHEW! Out of the dog cat house.

You see, it's all about delivery. If you deliver something negative in a positive way, people respond positively. If you fessed up to the de-tailing without the oysters and roses, you would be single right now. Life lesson of the day: expensive and lovely things cancel out a negative action. This is how a lot of repulsive people get married.

This is also why this note is not effective..... (you are about to view the word 'fucking'. I am so sorry if you find this offensive. I actually find that "fuck" is the perfect combination of vowels and consonants to express anger. Thomas Edison actually invented the word on his 52nd attempt at electricity and it stuck. Tom was a family man, so it's (fucking) okay!).......

A Simple post it and scotch tape will not do! (Double fail for scotch tape. Not gonna lie, I have been sponsored by Duct Tape to write this.) There simply is no flair. Where are the oysters? Where are the roses? You must mask the negativity somehow.

That is why this painting may work a little better:

The soft lemon undertones and the graceful butterfly counteract the "Fucking". It's like it's not even there. Such a distraction from such a time consuming and backbreaking chore. Luckily, this  is enough to make anyone want to do their dishes. 

My ultimate goal is a dirty dish free America and if we can get this painting in more kitchens across the nation, I think this will be possible!*

So what did we learn today? 1. Wooing your significant other with beautiful/expensive material things will get you out of trouble. 2. Delivering mean words in a nice way is a good way to communicate. This works orally as well. Start cursing people out in a southern accent to affectively get your point across. 3. DO YOUR FUCKING DISHES!

*I am Makenna Hardy and I approve this message.

My dirty dish free kitchen: