I gave up on finding my career on craigslist on August 18, 2011. Keep in mind I am a fully clothed female. This is what I saw:
Also, since, I don't shave my legs or do my nails (joke!.....or is it? dun dun dun) the only thing I could somewhat relate to was the Oriole Fan gig, I am not really much of a fan.
I go to the games mainly because I like that game where the condiments race each other. It is my only opportunity to scream "KETCHUPPPPP!" in a large crowd without anyone diagnosing me with a mental disorder such as turrets.
So after August 11, 2011 I went on a 5 month cross country tour speaking to the youth of America. I didn't want anyone to end up like me.
Here is a excerpt from a speech I gave at an elementary school in Idaho:
"Years from now, you will have the opportunity to go to college. You can take this opportunity, but as a college graduate working in a grocery store, I don't think you should go to college.
You should get naked.
Chances are being naked will probably get you farther than your degree.
Knowledge is not tangible, but nakedness is.
No one is going to look at you and know that you have memorized the 4th-century Latin translation of the Bible or are a few experiments away from curing cancer.
However, if you are naked people will instantly see that you are naked, and they will pay you.
So stop studying and start getting naked.
One of my biggest regrets in life is having morals. Years ago, if I had been okay with disrobing in front of large crowds I would not be in the financial situation I am today.
Take this advice and run with it... preferably in the nude...."
Then I got kicked off stage. I am not sure if it was the controversial content of my presentation or if it was because I was naked in front of an auditorium of elementary school children.
I think I had enough time to make an impact. And if you are reading this and haven't gone to college yet...think of me.
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