We need to talk about something.
You have these benches scattered around your city proclaiming you are "The Greatest City in America." Although I love you dearly, you simply can't say things like this.
I feel like you are aware of your shortcomings. Are trying to make up for this with these benches? In that case the benches should say "City with a Napoleon Complex"
And even if you are the greatest, your benches just make you look like a real asshole. You are that guy that only wants to talk about his accomplishments on the first date. You may have cured cancer, but that doesn't make you any less of an asshole.
Also, pretentious statements like this can only lead to one thing: mockery. When you say you are the best, people love to watch you fail.
Take a look at the following picture a friend lovingly found on thatguysonherion.com:
Since I am now a hipster (refer to Book Review) I take great joy in the irony of the above picture. Joke's on you Baltimore!
Don't get too down on your self. I just want to keep you in check. I can only hope you will continue to pose for the pictures I paint. You are a lovely model:
No benches in this picture! You don't need them.
I hope we can still be friends.
Love ya,
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